Archive: Phantom

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Gil Thorp, 6/3/25

I’m really coming to enjoy the on-the-nose “sound effects” that we’re getting during sports antics in Gil Thorp. Are “catch,” “swipe,” and “pass” onomatopoeiae? Well, they could be, if you kind of whisper them and hit the consonants exactly when the referenced action occurs. Anyway, the Mudlarks did it! They caught the ball! They all caught the ball, together! [whispers] CATCH

The Phantom, 6/3/25

Look, Kit, your dad is good at a lot of things. Punching? Definitely. Shooting people, with a gun? You bet. Maintaining enough muscle definition that he looks ripped even through a lycra suit, yet somehow remaining hydrated enough that he can do physical feats of derring-do? The dude practically invented it. But I’m not sure he’s the one to go to with questions about “does free will exist” or whatever. Call me an elitist if you must, but if a guy makes living in a cave and never letting anyone see his eyes so he can strike fear into the hearts of men into his whole deal, I don’t trust him on abstruse philosophical matters!

Hi and Lois, 6/3/25

I love how concerned both Hi and Lois look here. This is an extremely minor glitch in their comfortable suburban lives and yet they are straight up not having a good time! Probably there’s something deeper going on here that therapy could unpack, eventually. Anyway, it’s too bad they can’t hear Dawg’s cheerful thought balloon, because it might ease their all-pervasive anxiety, just a little, just for a moment.

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Heathcliff, 5/21/25

Real heads who read Heathcliff daily know that most weeks have a theme of some sort — “dirt week”, “garbage week”, and so forth. This week is “sunflower week,” and the way it’s unfolded is a pretty good demonstration of how the current delightfully deranged iteration of Heathcliff works. Monday’s panel was pretty normal, all things considered: Heathcliff and a baseball manager are sitting in a dugout, Heathcliff is spitting sunflower seeds the way baseball players do, there are a bunch of very tall sunflowers (normal sunflowers without human faces, mind you) growing in the dugout, taking up most of the room, and the manager says “No more chewing sunflower seeds.” You could see a version of this as a New Yorker cartoon. But things have escalated: today Heathcliff is standing in the outfield, summoning a grinning, sunglasses-wearing spirit, the so-called “Genie of the Sunflower Seeds,” from his snack packet. And it’s only Wednesday! Imagine how much weirder this could potentially get!

Mary Worth, 5/21/25

Is it, Belle? Is it cute that Wilbur is admitting, right in front of Willa, that originally he liked Stellan better, and now considers Willa his “best little buddy” only because Stellan died? Because I don’t think that’s cute at all, actually. I think it’s pretty fucked up.

The Phantom, 5/21/25

Some might criticize the continuity strips for their glacial pacing, especially strips that are supposed to be about superheroic action. But if The Phantom were fast-paced, could it afford to spend an entire strip on Kit’s erotic reverie? That’s not a tradeoff I’m willing to make!

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The Phantom, 5/17/25

One of the key ongoing dramas of The Phantom is the question of what woman will contribute her genetic material to the ongoing Phantom bloodline by allowing Kit to sire the 24th Phantom on her, and so far the main competitors have been Kit’s local sweetheart in Tibet or his mother and sister’s choice, Kadia Sahara, the daughter of former Phantom archnemesis The Nomad. But … is there another? Savarna, of course, has mostly been interested in Kit’s dad, having flirted with him when he thought his wife was dead and proposed a superstar teamup that the Ghost Who Has Morals rejected because she’s violent and kind of insane. As a result, it seems that flirtation has cooled — sure, rescuing her from Gravelines Prison was the inciting incident behind the years-long “Death of the Phantom” arc, but that was a purely platonic jailbreak. Anyway, apparently somewhere along the line that I forgot about she met Kit back at the Skull Cave, and like many a young man, he fell under the spell of a worldly, sophisticated older woman. Like, look at her: she’s using a napkin! Ooh la la, fancy lady!

Gil Thorp, 5/17/15

There’s been some spring sports action in Gil Thorp over the past couple weeks that quite frankly has not risen to a level of “interesting” that would get me to comment on it. But Coach Martinez attempting to summon the ghost of Pop(s) right there in the athletic department storage room specifically to prove a point to Gil, to the obvious amusement of the other assistant coaches? You’d better believe I’m ready for multiple weeks of this.

Dennis the Menace, 5/17/25

Henry, wearing that checkered suit jacket/bow tie combo in public anywhere of course marks you as a true fashion moron. But specifically wearing it to a restaurant’s clearly labelled Western night? You dipshit. You absolute fool.

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